Brain BBQ

• Why when you wear warm clothing to your normally-cold-as-a-meat-locker office, the AC is inexplicibly ten degrees too warm, and vice versa?
• Why you need to eat solid foods at all? I mean you can get all the nutrients you need from supplements. I'm anemic, and that explains my always too cold hands and feet. I thought it was because the office is so cold all the time. But no, cold hands and feet are a sure-fire sign you dont have enough iron in you. So instead of downing iron-rich spinach like Popeye, I took the express route out: pills. All the nutrition. None of the fat.
• Why cell phones have suddenly become this indispensable item in our lives? Every one is talking to someone else. Messaging. Everything very important, I'm sure. I don't pick up numbers that arent saved in my address book. Even numbers that are saved, I exercise my own discretion. I mean its my phone. I got it to make calls when i need it. I dont need to pick up every Tom, Dick, and Harry's call just because they wanna talk to me. When someone comes in person to speak to me, I always have the option to not talk back. Why is it considered super-bitchy when i do the same in cell-o-sphere? Plus what is the big emergency that you need to call back a dozen times?! If i didnt pick up the first time, I'm not gonna pick up the next dozen times either. Really annoying when i see people communicating stuff like "I'm in the bus. I'll be home in 5 minutes." My father checks up on me the most. I just dont pick up even though i have 200 free calls whiling away. I'll get home. Thats all you need to know. The how and the when are not anybody's concern, got it?
• The strange and unfair phenomenon where you have either loads of guys gawking and making you feel loved/hot/$20-an-hr-whore but in a good way. Or, you have insane amounts of time with no guys on the horizon at all. Even stranger is the fact that you get tons of guys when you're not even looking for one. I guess that's down to not giving off needy vibes which guys dig, but still. God - take a cue from our rationing system and barter your hot guys around better.
• Why do porno sites have "Warning: Explicit Images. Do not enter if you are objected by nudity" disclaimers on every adult website? Does that prevent any guy from breaking and entering? If anything, i am more tempted to enter after knowing its off-limits for some people. I propose that porno disclaimers be officially changed to: "Congrats. Nudity!"
• Which is the sexiest fruit in the world? Besides Tom Ford or Anderson Cooper and the whole queer brigade. I've always fantasised about me and half a dozen men together. NO hardcore gang-bangs. Just one guy on either side of me. One biting hard into my navel. Others doing miscelleous sexual misdeeds to me. All the while, one guy feeds me grapes. Dont know what it is about me and grapes. I can tell you which fruit is the un-sexiest - a banana. Why? Leaves nothing to the imagination! :-)
• Is there such a thing as bisexuality? Or is that just a cop-out? The gay community always maligns the bi-brigade by saying "Bi now, gay later." Can someone be equally attracted to both sexes? I call myself bi. Bi-curious definitely. Perhaps bi-for-sure. But i never am attracted to both girls and guys at the same time. I have periods of just lusting after guys, and then periods of hating guys. i guess thats when i want a girl. Dont know how much of the girlie attraction is genuine or if its only because of my issues with guys. I often joke that i am only one more nasty hetero "relationship" away from lesbianism. Perhaps that explains why i only lust after gay guys. Unchartered territory+no potential of hurt.
• Do you have it in you to kill another human being? If you had to. If you HAD to. Could you shoot someone? What if by shooting one person you could save a hundred lives? Would you rather kill someone else or kill yourself? Dont just dismiss this lightly by saying "no, i'd never harm another soul." Everyone has a dark side that comes out when needed. Man wouldnt have survived all this while without that self-preservation instinct. Honestly, i cant see a time when i'd feel compelled enough to shoot someone else. But i guess i'd kill someone else than kill myself. THOSE days are over, thankfully.
• Can you pass by a mirror or shiny/reflective surface and not look at your reflection? My answer is most definitely not too womanly - Yes, i can. And yes, i get ready faster than my brother. ["Ready" means the time after you've put on your clothes. I take a good hour picking what clothes match my "mood" for the day, if i wasnt heading to work at the crack of dawn.]
• Would you rather be brain-dead but alive, or wish someone would mercy-kill you already? - Mercy kill please. Life to me isnt just blood coursing though your veins. There has to be a quality of life as well.
• Do you judge someone by how they dress or how much they earn? Me, i'm more about power, than money. So i'd lust after, say, Bill Clinton than Bill Gates.
• How come the reverse isnt all that true? Why do men feel threatened rather than lusty by powerful women/bosses? Are you guys that emasculated?
• Loneliness is a state of mind? Have you felt lonely in a crowd, but completely at ease and blissed out when alone?
• Have you ever felt as good as you thought you would after a)exacting revenge on some dude/chick who wronged you, b)got that big promotion you'd worked your ass off for c)won the lottery or after you Anna-Nicole-Smithed your way to an old geezer's fortune? Nothing's ever as good as you see it in your head. I guess you can argue by saying "Why bother? It will always be a letdown." So then do we sit around and do nothing?
• Are you where you thought you would be 10 years ago? Feel time is passing you by, people are getting married/richer/childrened etc, and you are still trying to remain where you were. Or, you are trying to get what other happy people have, but dont seem to be making any progress?
• Who decided happiness/success=wife/husband+children+sexy job with big bucks+car+big house+a ton of friends? Who made up that rule that you need a fixed set of things/possessions (Dont parents go "You're MINE"?) to be happy? Why is a 50 year old single man looked on as a creep or a loser?
• And finally - the most important question i've been battling with for the past two days - which is the funniest sitcom of all time? My shortlist is Seinfeld and the Simpsons. Friends is funny, but not of the same caliber as the other two i mentioned. Every character on Seinfeld is just classic yet original - a complete laugh riot. Completely of and ahead of its time (The masterbating contest episode, anyone?). The Simpsons on the other hand are irreverent, cheeky and a mirror on society itself. The joke's on you if you naively believe its about some fat yellow guy with four fingers who works at a nuke-u-ler plant. Homer's my favorite TV character, but they really should stop making the Simpsons now - The newer episodes are an abberation. So i guess Seinfeld wins the contest since they had the good sense to go out on top.

~Pornocchio (My word of the day. Look it up on UrbanDictionary.)