DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

• 40-ish..................................49.
• Adventurous......................Slept with everyone.
• Athletic...............................No breasts.
• Average looking.................Moooo.
• Beautiful..............................Pathological liar.
• Emotionally Secure...........On medication.
• Feminist..............................Fat.
• Free Spirit...........................Junkie.
• Friendship first...................Former Slut.
• New-Age......................... Body hair in the wrong places.
• Old-fashioned.....................No B.J.'s
• Open-minded.....................Desperate.
• Outgoing..............................Loud and embarrassing.
• Professional................. ......Bitch.
• Voluptuous.........................Very fat.
• Large frame.......................Hugely fat.
• Wants soul mate................Stalker.