Man Made Prisons

Classic Kramer advice for those foolish enuf to still want to get married:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pSWTVXh_Yns

A rare night-time post.

See, i'm all alone at home for once. But not the way i'd like it to be. No, No. I love and long to be alone, but not this way. My father got home a while back limping and hanging on to our watchman for support and general standing-up. He was on his way home when he tripped on something and since then cant stand upright on his left leg. His left knee is badly swollen up. Looks like its popped out of its socket or worse. So my dad called his best friend home and he and mom took him to a hospital for checks. So here i am all alone at home - drunk on whisky (which i have to hide from my parents) and online chatting to CD. I see RL online but he wont send me an IP. I know i have a reason to be mad at him/her and not talk to him/her. Why is he/she being a jerk and not inquiring about my general wellbeing? I've been mulling over the general idea of writing to WL and telling her the truth. By truth i mean cause maximum pain to her, and thereby to RL. But then i think who am i to exact revenge? It'll be taken care of in the normal scheme of things (I'm supposedly Buddhist when it suits me or when i am interviewing Richard Gere.). He'll get whats due to him. Why should i play God? By doing so, i just perpetuate my own cycle of Karma.

See here's the thing - I'm never going to be that daughter who tends to their parents religiously. I just dont know how and cant do that. But still, i feel a bit ashamed that no one even asked me this time to get dressed and come with them to the doctor. Its not that i dont love him. Its just i cant watch people in pain. I'd rather stay away and live in my fairy land world. I'm listening to Take That as i type. When i was drinking a bit earlier, i was also dancing like a fool. Thats my way of coping. OK, so i wont win any Daughter of the Year prizes, and i readily admit i feel a bit inadequate and ashamed around my father in particular. I just dont know how the latter years of his life will be like.

More bad news - Seems that Nariman House standoff has ended with little Moshe's parents dead. He's the only human face i have to the whole Mumbai terror attacks fiasco.

is there ever any respite from the bad news?????

Oh yes there is. I accidentally got a sneak preview of the undies of a hottie at work. Rare are those days. Though i am privy to the tightie whities of a goliath of a guy near my place of work daily. Some sight watching his crack emerge from a rickshaw.

What else? What else? I went from discussing BangBus with CD to Moshe (the little guy rescued from Nariman House) on gtalk. I'm in love with that kid. Looks like Jesus. CD said "How do you go from hot orgies to concern for orphan welfare? Man, that is one crazy stream of conciousness." i suppose it is.

I dont like Anderson Cooper any more. He's getting all bulked up and arms like pythons. I liked him when he was suitably skinny and toned. Now he is all worked out. Just what we need - another gay himbo.

This one's dedicated to little Moshe. and Israel.

Shalom.

David Grey, er, Gray
As if Mumbai needed any more reason to be depressed after the dastardly acts of terrorism, I had to listen to David Gray's songs yesterday. Can't stop listening even today. For all its folksy-cutesy, lyrical genius, David Gray has the most depressing songs on the planet. I'm not even going to listen to Alibi - I was in SUCH a funk the last time (last year) i listened to that song and watched the video. But even his other songs are wonderfully depressing - check out Babylon, The One i Love, Lately among others. David has such a great voice, though. And to be fair, it would be wasted on bubblegum happy pop.

Brain BBQ

• Why when you wear warm clothing to your normally-cold-as-a-meat-locker office, the AC is inexplicibly ten degrees too warm, and vice versa?
• Why you need to eat solid foods at all? I mean you can get all the nutrients you need from supplements. I'm anemic, and that explains my always too cold hands and feet. I thought it was because the office is so cold all the time. But no, cold hands and feet are a sure-fire sign you dont have enough iron in you. So instead of downing iron-rich spinach like Popeye, I took the express route out: pills. All the nutrition. None of the fat.
• Why cell phones have suddenly become this indispensable item in our lives? Every one is talking to someone else. Messaging. Everything very important, I'm sure. I don't pick up numbers that arent saved in my address book. Even numbers that are saved, I exercise my own discretion. I mean its my phone. I got it to make calls when i need it. I dont need to pick up every Tom, Dick, and Harry's call just because they wanna talk to me. When someone comes in person to speak to me, I always have the option to not talk back. Why is it considered super-bitchy when i do the same in cell-o-sphere? Plus what is the big emergency that you need to call back a dozen times?! If i didnt pick up the first time, I'm not gonna pick up the next dozen times either. Really annoying when i see people communicating stuff like "I'm in the bus. I'll be home in 5 minutes." My father checks up on me the most. I just dont pick up even though i have 200 free calls whiling away. I'll get home. Thats all you need to know. The how and the when are not anybody's concern, got it?
• The strange and unfair phenomenon where you have either loads of guys gawking and making you feel loved/hot/$20-an-hr-whore but in a good way. Or, you have insane amounts of time with no guys on the horizon at all. Even stranger is the fact that you get tons of guys when you're not even looking for one. I guess that's down to not giving off needy vibes which guys dig, but still. God - take a cue from our rationing system and barter your hot guys around better.
• Why do porno sites have "Warning: Explicit Images. Do not enter if you are objected by nudity" disclaimers on every adult website? Does that prevent any guy from breaking and entering? If anything, i am more tempted to enter after knowing its off-limits for some people. I propose that porno disclaimers be officially changed to: "Congrats. Nudity!"
• Which is the sexiest fruit in the world? Besides Tom Ford or Anderson Cooper and the whole queer brigade. I've always fantasised about me and half a dozen men together. NO hardcore gang-bangs. Just one guy on either side of me. One biting hard into my navel. Others doing miscelleous sexual misdeeds to me. All the while, one guy feeds me grapes. Dont know what it is about me and grapes. I can tell you which fruit is the un-sexiest - a banana. Why? Leaves nothing to the imagination! :-)
• Is there such a thing as bisexuality? Or is that just a cop-out? The gay community always maligns the bi-brigade by saying "Bi now, gay later." Can someone be equally attracted to both sexes? I call myself bi. Bi-curious definitely. Perhaps bi-for-sure. But i never am attracted to both girls and guys at the same time. I have periods of just lusting after guys, and then periods of hating guys. i guess thats when i want a girl. Dont know how much of the girlie attraction is genuine or if its only because of my issues with guys. I often joke that i am only one more nasty hetero "relationship" away from lesbianism. Perhaps that explains why i only lust after gay guys. Unchartered territory+no potential of hurt.
• Do you have it in you to kill another human being? If you had to. If you HAD to. Could you shoot someone? What if by shooting one person you could save a hundred lives? Would you rather kill someone else or kill yourself? Dont just dismiss this lightly by saying "no, i'd never harm another soul." Everyone has a dark side that comes out when needed. Man wouldnt have survived all this while without that self-preservation instinct. Honestly, i cant see a time when i'd feel compelled enough to shoot someone else. But i guess i'd kill someone else than kill myself. THOSE days are over, thankfully.
• Can you pass by a mirror or shiny/reflective surface and not look at your reflection? My answer is most definitely not too womanly - Yes, i can. And yes, i get ready faster than my brother. ["Ready" means the time after you've put on your clothes. I take a good hour picking what clothes match my "mood" for the day, if i wasnt heading to work at the crack of dawn.]
• Would you rather be brain-dead but alive, or wish someone would mercy-kill you already? - Mercy kill please. Life to me isnt just blood coursing though your veins. There has to be a quality of life as well.
• Do you judge someone by how they dress or how much they earn? Me, i'm more about power, than money. So i'd lust after, say, Bill Clinton than Bill Gates.
• How come the reverse isnt all that true? Why do men feel threatened rather than lusty by powerful women/bosses? Are you guys that emasculated?
• Loneliness is a state of mind? Have you felt lonely in a crowd, but completely at ease and blissed out when alone?
• Have you ever felt as good as you thought you would after a)exacting revenge on some dude/chick who wronged you, b)got that big promotion you'd worked your ass off for c)won the lottery or after you Anna-Nicole-Smithed your way to an old geezer's fortune? Nothing's ever as good as you see it in your head. I guess you can argue by saying "Why bother? It will always be a letdown." So then do we sit around and do nothing?
• Are you where you thought you would be 10 years ago? Feel time is passing you by, people are getting married/richer/childrened etc, and you are still trying to remain where you were. Or, you are trying to get what other happy people have, but dont seem to be making any progress?
• Who decided happiness/success=wife/husband+children+sexy job with big bucks+car+big house+a ton of friends? Who made up that rule that you need a fixed set of things/possessions (Dont parents go "You're MINE"?) to be happy? Why is a 50 year old single man looked on as a creep or a loser?
• And finally - the most important question i've been battling with for the past two days - which is the funniest sitcom of all time? My shortlist is Seinfeld and the Simpsons. Friends is funny, but not of the same caliber as the other two i mentioned. Every character on Seinfeld is just classic yet original - a complete laugh riot. Completely of and ahead of its time (The masterbating contest episode, anyone?). The Simpsons on the other hand are irreverent, cheeky and a mirror on society itself. The joke's on you if you naively believe its about some fat yellow guy with four fingers who works at a nuke-u-ler plant. Homer's my favorite TV character, but they really should stop making the Simpsons now - The newer episodes are an abberation. So i guess Seinfeld wins the contest since they had the good sense to go out on top.

~Pornocchio (My word of the day. Look it up on UrbanDictionary.)

Prop 8 Nonsense....

Decidely, I am a bit late on weighing the whole "Prop 8" phenomenon that was doing the rounds a while back. Voting "Yes" on Proposition 8 effectively means you define "marraige" as a union of one man and one woman. That, that is what the Bible preaches and is the cornerstone of all religions. Which of course means you don't value LGBT rights. Forget LGBT rights; you don't value HUMAN rights and the concept of "equality for all." Proponents of Prop 8 say that attacking the gay and lesbian community is just a tiny portion of what they hope to accomplish by "restoring the sanctity of marraige." That there are huge problems in society if marraige as an institution breaks done. I read somewhere that 8 out of 10 babies born to African American mothers are born out of wedlock and most of them do not get married.

Opponents of Prop 8 argue that marriage is an institution of love between any two people. Love is love. It isnt restricted by color or sex. If inter-racial marraiges are allowed (and rightly so), then discriminating against gays and lesbians is unconstitutional and immoral. Further more, you are infringing on the basic human rights of a person. People deserve to be treated the same regardless of what they do in the privacy of their bedrooms. That if the religious wing is so concerned about the sanctity of marraige, they should start enforcing marraige among heterosexual people, rather than taking away the right to marry among homosexuals. Further more, there has to be a seperation of religion and state. Just because you are a Christian and believe something is "immoral" doesnt mean everyone in the country needs to believe so. I didnt vote on whether you can get married and have children, then why should you vote on those very issues that have nothing to do with your daily life?!

Among those protesting in California about the unfairness of Prop 8, i particularly liked the sign held up by a guy. It read "I didnt vote against your marraige." I am decidedly against Prop 8 - and that has nothing to do with my sexual orietation. The core issue for me is you are denying basic rights to a group of people simply based on their sexuality. First, California bestowed upon the homosexual community the legal right to marry. Then it takes it away? How would you like it if the Government knocked on your door and said your marraige is annuled? That your marriage is unnatural, immoral, and that you can be "cured by the grace of god"? How would you like it if you had two kids and one of them was gay. Would you wish him/her to have a life of a secondary citizen? Remember, majorities arent always correct. Laws prohibiting women from voting, interracial marraiges too were passed by a majority. In fact, majorities are often wrong. Thats why you have a government to uphold the rights of minorities, even if they are unpopular. The Government's job is not to act according to populous sentiment; but to take that sentiment into account AFTER ensuring the secular rights of ALL its citizens are not impinged upon. I may believe in God, doesnt mean i have to convert the whole freaking country according to my beliefs?! You find gays and lesbians an abberation, then learn to practice love and tolerence. Isn't that the cornerstone of Christianity? Or at least keep your friggin' mouth shut and mind your own business.

Actually this is the thing that makes me the maddest in this whole issue - Religion is a choice. I dont need to belong to any religion. Doesnt make me a bad person or an unpatriotic citizen. There is just no excuse for religious zealots to insert themselves in politics under the guise of "morality." Morality has little to nothing to do with organized religion.

Which reminds me of another enfante terrible whos gotten a bad rap (perhaps, deservedly so) - Marquis de Sade. Perverse as his writings may be, here me out. Sade was a devout atheist. He maintained that morality was nothing without religion. That religion created morality as a way to police its populace. Ditto for the laws of a land. Laws borrow their idea of whats wrong and whats right from religion. Why else would sodomy be a crime for so long? Who is it hurting if it is between consenting adults? As for the "Nature didnt intend this. There can be no procreation through sodomy" argument: Why does there need to be procreation, as Sade would have said, hence he almost exclusively dealt with sodomy as his preferred form of sexual expression. As for the sex-for-procreation argument, i'd like to add that by that definition, 99% of heterosexual marraiges should be annulled. Yes, India is a populous nation, but dont tell me you arent a)using some form of protection to prevent pregnancy or b)never indulge in those juicy side-trimmings known as oral and anal sex. Back to Sade though. He argued that if he isnt religious, then the laws of the land (derived from that very religion that he denouced) were also irelavant. If you dont like the roots, you wouldnt worship the fruit either, rite? So by that logic, he isnt committing any crime.

So this proposition passed in favor of those who say marriage is a union between a man and a woman. But just by a thread-bare majority of 4% - Bear in mind, 3% is the margin of error on such polls. So, it may be a defeat, but its a moral victory - "We've" come so far in such a short time.

More later.

What its like to be Nullo....

Don't know what a nullo is? This post is DEFINITELY not for you then.

Interview with a nullo

Warning: Dont click on the link if you are:

a) Easily offended by graphic accounts of alternate lifestyles.

b) Just looking for a laugh at someone else's expense.

I Kissed a Girl!

I kissed a girl, and i liked it. It felt so wrong, it felt so right....

OK, for those of you who live under a rock, these are the lyrics from Katy Perry's saucy number "I kissed a girl." Katy Perry describes herself as a fatter version of Lily Allen and a thinner version of Amy McCoke, urm, Winehouse. (a. Is that trainwreck still alive? and b. What the fuck is the big fascination with her? She sings better than Britney, granted. But who doesn't?!

Anyway...Back to 'I kissed a girl"....Sadly (SADLY!) I havent. YET. Thats my big goal in life - Before i hit the big 3-0, I absolutely have to (HAVE TO!) "experienced" the fairer sex in all its pink glory. Yp, thats my big goal. Some people want a big car. I want...NEVERMIND ;-)

This isnt the first time this topic has come up with me: Those in the know would know about a particular ad in CL. Sadly instead of a hot blonde with huge tits, i only got a) butch chicks probably with bigger moustaches than any of you guys reading this or b)Married guys saying their wifes are Bi and would make a great coach (not to mention, that THEY'D be involved too in case i change my mind about the whole pink sea diving thing. I love it that men are so selfless and always thinking about others' interests.)

The rest of my thoughts are not G-rated (The result of finally being home alone and a little whisky to spice things up) and hence cant be put on this blog. Gotta think about the kids.

OK - top five men I'd want to do right now:

• Johnny Depp (those cheekbones!!)
• Daniel Craig (That ass)
• Tom Ford (again, that ass. and that chest hair)
• Bono (I get sexy doctor vibes from him)
• A guy i see smoking everyday at my workplace. dont know the name (Strong jawline, crisp white shirts with cufflinks, and a VERY pert ass. )
• (And as a bonus - since power=sexy: Barack Obama. Lean, mean, and Black can only equate to good things in bed, rite?)
  

Dare i compile a top five female list?

• Pamela Anderson (Yeah, silicon valley et all, but she's the ultimate cartoon character come alive.)
• Kate Moss
• Lindsay Lohan (On days when she isn't a blatantly ugly shade of orange from her fake tan.)
• Goldie Hawn (Yeah shes old enough to be my granny, but that chick is timeless and gives me happy hippie vibes everytime i see her.)
• Hilary Clinton (Or should i have put her in my top-five-MEN's list? Ok enough with the meanness towards my fellow females. It's the men i should be mean to.)
  

My Newest Crush

Tom Ford is getting old (Figuratively and literally). Anderson Cooper, i havent been seeing much of since i sacrificed the joys of sitting at home and watching TV all day like a bum. So...out of sight, out of mind. My newest crush is a lesson in sexual ambiguity. I love it that he wears makeup (albeit on stage). A few days ago i stumbled upon "A song to say goodbye" by Placebo. OK, i admit, i knicked the title of the song to include in my otherwise original poem (the below post).

Anyway, the point being (Well, why should there be a point to everything?! Whatever happened to just gabbing for no reason at all?! But that's a seperate discussion saved for a really boring day.) - I fell in love with the song, but had no idea what the band members looked like. Gorgeous coincidence that the lead singer is abso-yummy. His name is Molko. Brian Molko. Apart from his last name which sounds Afrikaan, i cant find a single thing wrong with this guy. I dont want to be known as Mrs. Molko. But what the hey - who says everything has to end in a marraige? Plus, he's already married with kids. What a waste of boy meat.

Unlovingly Yours

I don't read poetry (Think it's kinda gay). I certainly don't write poems. I was at work one day, minding my own business when Ewan McGregor Lookalike asked me to try my hand at writing a song for the soon-to-be-formed office band. Here's my first attempt titled Unlovingly Yours. Written in 15 minutes flat.

You're a lyin' piece of shit.
I thought you were different,
I thought you were nice.
Boy, was i in for a rude suprise.

I dont want you pity
I'm a big girl,
i can take care of myself
Only wish is you'd burn in hell

You raped my soul,
You left a gaping hole,
i loved you so much,
dont think you even cared
Just wanted a plaything

You make me feel like a whore,
my nethers so sore.
My head bowed in shame.
You're a cryin' tragic waste of skin.

Why couldnt you just be
like the rest of my guys?
They just messed with my body,
You played with my mind.

Now i cut myself,
crop circles into my thighs
The pain, the blood,
is the placebo
to the real pain in my heart.

But there's no turning back now
This is a song to say goodbye
forever, fucker.

PS: It isnt about any ONE guy. I started writing it with my most recent guy in mind. But then i realized i dont hate him. Not as much as the first guy. So this is a mashed potato of sorts - two guys, spanning over 9 years.

PPS: I was just kidding about it being about a guy, or that any of it is based in fact.